Scared to Have Sex After Baby? 4 Things You Can Do to Take Away the Fear.
You just had a baby and at your 6 week check up and you are cleared to resume all activities, including sex with your spouse.
Readiness to return to sexual activity can be impeded by many factors including delivery type (vaginal vs Cesarean delivery) and possible restrictions, continued bleeding/lochia, spousal intimacy and communication, sleep quality, getting alone time, full/painful breasts, and hormones resulting in decreased lubrication, low libido, and postpartum rage.
Despite all of the factors listed above, some people do resume sexual activity prior to the 6 week mark and others wait well beyond the 6 week timeline. Your physical, mental, and emotional readiness is something that only you can decide with your partner, however, there are some things you can do to prepare and increase the ease of the physical readiness.
1.Lubrication
During the early postpartum phase (especially if you breastfeeding due to the lack of estrogen being produced), vaginal dryness is very common and can lead to discomfort with initial attempts at sex. Please steer away from some of the common lubricants, especially anything scented as this can increase risk of UTI’s or other infection. Instead, look for products that are unscented and water based like Slippery Stuff or Good Clean Love.
2. Perineal Massage (vaginal delivery)
If you experienced a vaginal delivery and had tearing or stitches, you will benefit from doing some manual massage prior to resuming sexual activity. This should be done once the stitches or tearing is completely healed.
This is easiest to perform in the shower or propped up in bed with lubricant. Wash your hands prior to performing. Think of the vaginal entrance as a clock with 12 o clock towards the front of your body and 6 o clock towards your buttocks. Gently insert one thumb to the first knuckle and with the flat part of your thumb apply pressure straight back at the 6 o clock position. Hold 10-30 seconds and release. Adjust your thumb to the 7 o clock position and repeat. Perform the same at the 8 and 9 o clock positions. Repeat the same process from 5 o clock to 3 o clock. Vaginal tearing most commonly happens in a posterolateral direction so performing from 9 to 3 o clock positions will address scar tissue from the most common tears. Sometimes people will sustain a tear in the anterior direction as well. To address this type of tearing, you can switch to your first finger and perform this process from 9-12 o clock with your left finger and 12-3 o clock with your right finger.
You can also take your thumb or first finger and insert it to the first knuckle and with light pressure, slide it from the 3-6-9 o clock position or 9-12-3 o clock position back and forth in a clockwise to counterclockwise direction for 30-60 seconds.
Performing perineal massage will help to discover what specific areas are more tender, allow you to manually provide some stretch and pressure to this area to prepare for intimacy, and help reduce sensitivity over scar tissue.
3. Foreplay
Allow your body and mind to become involved and work together by being intimate with your spouse and building up to the activity versus rushing and having your mind thinking about your to-do list or if you just heard the baby.
4. Positioning
If you had a vaginal delivery and had tearing or needed stitches or if you had a c-section, positioning may make the difference between having pain or not. Because this is different based on your unique circumstances, you might have to try some positions out to see what feels best for you.
Some people prefer to be on top so that you have more control over the speed and depth. Having your partner sit in a chair and straddling may be more comfortable over being in bed due to more structural support.
If you had a Cesarean delivery, you will generally want to avoid or be careful in any belly-down positions as it can pull or rub at the incision.
Lying on your side with your partner behind you is usually a more comfortable position but may not be an easy position to start in. If you had tearing/stitches, one side may feel okay but the other side may not initially.
Missionary may be an easier position to start in but does not allow as much control for speed and depth
There are many more positions but the above are more common positions
As stated above, these 4 considerations will help physically prepare to resume sexual activity once you are wanting to do so. Some people resume sex without much discomfort or difficulty and others struggle with ongoing pain. Generally, the first few times might feel uncomfortable but if you are using lubricants and sex is painful in all positions, please seek out a pelvic floor therapists as you likely need an internal assessment and treatment to better address your symptoms.
Only you can decide when the right time will be for you but hopefully these tips can make it a little less scary once you decide to hit the sheets again.
Much love,
Ashley
*Disclaimer: This blog does not serve as a substitute for medical advice. The content is purely for educational purposes and any decisions you make should be discussed with your personal healthcare provider. Any decisions made by the consumer are done so at their own personal risk.
